Questions about your parents' friendships

8 questions

Ask your parents about their oldest friend and you'll get a story about who they used to be. Ask them about a friendship that ended badly and you'll get one about who they became. These questions are about the people who were never blood but who shaped them anyway.

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Friendship

01
Who's the oldest friend you still have? How did you meet?
Ask what it is about that friendship that's made it last.
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02
Have you ever had a friendship end in a way that still hurts?
Ask if they've made peace with it or whether it still nags at them.
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03
Have you ever been surprised by who showed up for you in a hard time?
Ask if that changed how they thought about that person.
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04
Have you ever made a new friend late in life — someone who surprised you?
Ask what brought you together.
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05
Who in your life, outside your family, do you feel most grateful for?
Ask if they've told that person.
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06
Tell me about a friendship that surprised you — someone you didn't expect to become close with.
Ask what made them give it a chance.
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07
Has a friendship ever ended in a way you still think about?
Ask if they ever tried to mend it, or wish they had.
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08
Who's the friend you've known the longest? What's keeping that friendship alive?
Ask what they have in common now versus when they first met.
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How to actually ask these

·Pick three or four. Trying to ask all of them in one sitting will exhaust you both. The best conversations come from one question that opens up into twenty minutes of unrelated stories.
·Don't correct or argue. If their memory of an event doesn't match yours, that's a separate conversation. Right now you're collecting their version.
·Write down what they say while it's fresh — or record it. Phones are good for this. You don't need anything fancier.
·If asking face-to-face feels like too much pressure — for either of you — consider letting our service text them one question every few days. Many people open up more easily over text than across a kitchen table.