Questions to ask your parents about their family

15 questions

The family your parents came from is the family they had no choice about. It's also where most of the patterns you've inherited — the ones you love and the ones you've spent years trying to break — actually started. These questions are about that family: their mother, their father, the siblings they fought with, the grandparents they barely knew, the stories that got told at every gathering until they became myth.

Free printable

Get this list as a beautifully printable PDF

All 168questions, arranged by theme — print it, bring it to Sunday dinner, or keep it by the phone. We'll email it to you free.

No spam — a few question ideas and a reminder before the next holiday. Unsubscribe anytime.

Family

01
Tell me about your father. What was he like as a man?
Ask about a moment that showed who he really was.
Have us text this one →
02
Tell me about your mother. What kind of person was she?
Ask what they admired most about her, even if it took them time to see it.
Have us text this one →
03
How did your parents meet?
Ask what their relationship looked like from the outside — what did you notice about them together?
Have us text this one →
04
Do you have brothers or sisters? What was it like growing up with them?
Ask about the relationship now — how has it changed from childhood?
Have us text this one →
05
Tell me about your grandparents. Did you spend much time with them?
Ask about a specific memory with a grandparent that has stayed with them.
Have us text this one →
06
Where did your family come from originally? Do you know much about your ancestry?
Ask if there's a part of that heritage they feel connected to.
Have us text this one →
07
What was the hardest thing your family went through together?
Ask how it changed the family on the other side.
Have us text this one →
08
What's the funniest family story — one that gets retold every time you're all together?
Ask whose version of the story is the most exaggerated.
Have us text this one →
09
What did your family's dinner table look like — did you eat together, and what was the conversation like?
Ask if those dinners felt like something they looked forward to or just routine.
Have us text this one →
10
What's something your parents always said that has stayed with you?
Ask whether they agree with it now, or have come to see it differently.
Have us text this one →
11
What are you most grateful to your parents for?
Ask if they ever told them.
Have us text this one →
12
If you could have dinner with any family member who's passed, who would it be and what would you ask them?
Ask what they think that person would say.
Have us text this one →
13
Tell me about your siblings — what was each one like growing up?
Ask which one they were closest to, and whether that's still true.
Have us text this one →
14
Was there a black sheep in your family? Who, and what made them so?
Ask if they ever understood them, even a little.
Have us text this one →
15
What family tradition meant the most to you growing up — and did you keep it going?
Ask if any of their kids care about it now.
Have us text this one →

How to actually ask these

·Pick three or four. Trying to ask all of them in one sitting will exhaust you both. The best conversations come from one question that opens up into twenty minutes of unrelated stories.
·Don't correct or argue. If their memory of an event doesn't match yours, that's a separate conversation. Right now you're collecting their version.
·Write down what they say while it's fresh — or record it. Phones are good for this. You don't need anything fancier.
·If asking face-to-face feels like too much pressure — for either of you — consider letting our service text them one question every few days. Many people open up more easily over text than across a kitchen table.