Questions to ask your parents about raising you

10 questions

Asking your parents about parenting is a strange and powerful thing. You were there. You remember it from one angle. They remember it from another — the worry, the doubt, the moment they realized something was working or wasn't. These questions invite them to tell you the version you couldn't see at the time. Some of them are tender. Some of them might surprise you. All of them are worth asking.

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Parenting

01
What was the moment you first held your child? Describe it.
Ask what went through their mind in that exact moment.
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02
What kind of parent did you want to be — and how close did you get?
Ask where they think the gap showed up most.
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03
What's the proudest parenting moment you've ever had?
Ask if they think they had anything to do with it, or if it was all the kid.
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04
What values were you most intentional about passing on to your children?
Ask if they can see those values in them today.
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05
What did your kids teach you that you couldn't have learned any other way?
Ask if they were surprised by what parenting changed in them.
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06
When your children left home, how did that feel?
Ask how the house felt different — and how they felt different.
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07
What do you want your children to know about you that they might not already?
Ask what stops them from telling them.
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08
If you could give your children one piece of advice for the rest of their lives, what would it be?
Ask if they've ever said it out loud to them.
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09
What's something one of your children did that you'll never forget?
Ask if it was a small moment or a big one, and if they ever told them how much it meant.
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10
Is there a moment from raising your children that you wish you could have back?
Ask what they'd do differently — and what they'd do exactly the same.
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How to actually ask these

·Pick three or four. Trying to ask all of them in one sitting will exhaust you both. The best conversations come from one question that opens up into twenty minutes of unrelated stories.
·Don't correct or argue. If their memory of an event doesn't match yours, that's a separate conversation. Right now you're collecting their version.
·Write down what they say while it's fresh — or record it. Phones are good for this. You don't need anything fancier.
·If asking face-to-face feels like too much pressure — for either of you — consider letting our service text them one question every few days. Many people open up more easily over text than across a kitchen table.