Questions about loss and the people they've lost

8 questions

Loss is one of the hardest things to ask about and one of the most worth asking about. These questions are gentle. They give your parents room to say a lot or a little. Many people find that being asked about someone they've lost — and being given permission to talk about them — feels like a gift, not a burden. If the moment feels right, ask.

Free printable

Get this list as a beautifully printable PDF

All 168questions, arranged by theme — print it, bring it to Sunday dinner, or keep it by the phone. We'll email it to you free.

No spam — a few question ideas and a reminder before the next holiday. Unsubscribe anytime.

Loss & grief

01
Who's the first person you remember losing?
Ask how old they were and what they understood at the time.
Have us text this one →
02
Tell me about your parents — when did you lose them, and what do you wish you'd asked them more about?
Ask if there's a question that still nags at them.
Have us text this one →
03
Is there something you wish you'd said to someone before they were gone?
Ask if they've ever said it out loud since, even just to themselves.
Have us text this one →
04
Who do you still talk to in your head, even though they're not here?
Ask what they tell that person most often.
Have us text this one →
05
What helped you get through the hardest losses?
Ask if it was a person, a habit, faith, time, or something else entirely.
Have us text this one →
06
Is there an object — a sweater, a watch, a recipe — that keeps someone you've lost close?
Ask where they keep it, and if they ever pick it up just to feel them near.
Have us text this one →
07
What's something a person you've lost taught you that you carry every day?
Ask if they've ever passed it on to someone else.
Have us text this one →
08
When you think of the people you've lost, what do you hope they would say about how you've lived?
Ask if they think they're making them proud.
Have us text this one →

How to actually ask these

·Pick three or four. Trying to ask all of them in one sitting will exhaust you both. The best conversations come from one question that opens up into twenty minutes of unrelated stories.
·Don't correct or argue. If their memory of an event doesn't match yours, that's a separate conversation. Right now you're collecting their version.
·Write down what they say while it's fresh — or record it. Phones are good for this. You don't need anything fancier.
·If asking face-to-face feels like too much pressure — for either of you — consider letting our service text them one question every few days. Many people open up more easily over text than across a kitchen table.